sometimes, when i try to de-stress, i end up getting more stressed from other sources.. after work, i went for a run, which was supposed to help me destress.. but in the process of doing that, once again i've been reminded of how unfit i am. ippt coming in april, medical checkup coming somewhere around july.. sigh.

there's simulator briefing tmr, and i'm scheduled to fly monday and tuesday for now. i'm excited yes, but kinda dreading it also. there's only 1 reason why one would feel that way. the instructor has really high standards.. and he kinds of look down on us, cuz the 2 senior batches has pulled down the previously high standards that the pioneer batches set. sigh. i really want to do well, i want to be the best here and when i go back, i want to be the best too. maybe it's because i'm young and i still believe. no doubt i've been disillusioned slightly, but still..

i used to have stronger feelings when i put on my work clothes. i used to feel good, now i feel slightly lesser than that. perhaps i've been on the ground for far too long.